


you're not the same, i hate it

by lilcrickee



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Animal Transformation, Canon Compliant, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:13:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24878260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilcrickee/pseuds/lilcrickee
Summary: With Renjun and Chenle’s help, they manage to wrestle the dog off of Jeno and onto the floor. It sits happily on Chenle’s chest, tail thumping and tongue lolling. It’s a samoyed, Jeno notes. Big perky ears, kind eyes, snow white fur. It’s cute, but Jeno has no idea where it came from, especially if Chenle didn’t bring it with him.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 22
Kudos: 274





	you're not the same, i hate it

**Author's Note:**

> be free, little beasty.
> 
> unbeta'd, mistakes are my own, etc.
> 
> title from lauv's song "who ft. bts"

Jeno feels dead on his feet when they traipse into the dorm that evening. It’s late, well past their 10 o’clock curfew, but even late at night the traffic had been less than ideal. Now, Jeno would like nothing more than to sink into bed and not wake up for several days.

Jaemin and Jisung seem to have other ideas. Despite having been up since six in the morning, they seem to have more energy than ever, enthusiastically bouncing around their foyer. Renjun just shoots them a look and slinks off down the hall to his room; Jeno hears the resounding snap of the door shutting forcefully. 

“Can you guys tone it down?” Jeno asks, rubbing at his temples. “I’m going to go to bed.”

“Jeno-yah,” Jaemin sing-songs. He unlatches himself from Jisung to throw his arms around Jeno, clinging to his back like a koala. “Play with us.”

Jeno’s got a long fuse. He doesn’t anger easily, and his patience with Jaemin especially feels infinite somedays. Most of the time he’s grateful to have the other members to pull him out of his shell a little. Today, though, Jeno’s not in the mood. He just wants to sleep.

“I’m tired,” he says, trying to pry Jaemin’s hands apart from where they’re clasped around his neck. “Jaemin, let go.”

“No,” Jaemin whines. He bounces on the balls of his feet, like he has every intent to jump on Jeno’s back. Jisung, seemingly, has managed to slip away. Jeno is incredibly envious.

“Jaem, please,” Jeno pleads. “I’m tired. Let’s go to bed.”

“Jeno. Jeno, Jeno, Jeno, Jeno.”

Jeno’s not entirely sure what happens. One moment his grip is tightening on Jaemin’s wrists, squeezing hard enough that he can feel Jaemin’s bones under the layers of skin and muscle. The next thing he knows, Jaemin is yelping in his ear, the tone laced with pain as he yanks his hands back, stumbling away from Jeno in the process.

“Jesus, Jeno. What the fuck. That hurt,” Jaemin exclaims. When Jeno turns around, Jeno’s leaning against the wall in their foyer, clutching his right wrist in his left hand. His fingers are flexing sluggishly and there’s a scowl on his face.

“You were being annoying,” Jeno replies with a shrug. He feels bad about Jaemin’s wrist, but at the very worst it’ll bruise. It’s nothing Jaemin can’t handle. “It’s late, and I want to go to bed. We’ve been up for ages, Jaem. Aren’t you tired?”

Jaemin shrugs. “You didn’t have to squeeze so tightly,” he complains. “You could’ve just told me stop - “

“I did,” Jeno says tiredly. Lately it feels like it’s been the default tone he’s had with Jaemin. All day Jeno had been fending off Jaemin’s physical affection and demands for attention. It’s a welcome change from the cold shoulder he’d received the day before. Sometimes it feels like Jeno doesn’t really understand Jaemin at all these days.

He can hear the toilet flush in the bathroom and guesses that Jisung has finished washing up. Whatever adrenaline had carried him into the dorm has apparently abandoned him now. “Jaemin, please. I’m just. I don’t have time for you right now.”

For a moment, hurt flashes across Jaemin’s face, but it’s quickly replaced with a sunny grin. Jeno watches warily as Jaemin steps past him with a bounce in his step. It’s almost like nothing happened, but Jeno knows Jaemin better than anyone; he can tell when Jaemin’s covering up hurt feelings.

“Sorry, Jeno-yah,” Jaemin chimes. He’s still rubbing at his wrist, fingers wriggling intently. “Have a good sleep. Dream of me.” He blows Jeno an exaggerated kiss and disappears into his room with Jisung, leaving Jeno standing by himself in the foyer. Belatedly, Jeno realizes he hasn’t even taken off his shoes yet.

Jaemin’s been having weird mood swings with him for months now, and Jeno knows it’s only with him because every time he asks Renjun about it, Renjun never understands what he’s talking about. To him, Jaemin has perfectly normal. It hurts Jeno, but he doesn’t know what to do about it. Jaemin’s always come to him with his worries; Jeno has just been trusting that jaemin will come to him with this too.

With a sigh, he toes off his sneakers and pads across the dorm to the bathroom. He’ll shower in the morning when he doesn’t feel so tired, but he has enough faculties about him still to brush his teeth and wash his face. 

When he slips into bed that night, Jeno sees Jaemin’s false, happy smile behind his eyelids.

Jeno wakes up the next morning to an ear-splitting shriek. He rolls over and sticks his head under his pillow; Chenle has the most annoying habit of announcing himself in the morning, and Jeno’s not really in the mood. It had taken him forever to fall asleep the night before, guilt gnawing at his stomach. Even with Jaemin playing hot and cold with him lately, they don’t fight very often, so making up this morning feels especially difficult. Jeno doesn’t want to have to say anything, hopes that Jaemin will have just let it go in the same way that he lets most things roll off his back. 

It’s not exactly a fair thought. Jeno shouldn’t rely on Jaemin’s normally affable personality to resolve all their problems. Not that they have lots of problems. They haven’t spent nearly as much time together as they used to, but it’s not like they’re not friends. They’re just -- busy with other things.

Maybe it’s even a bit of a relief, Jeno thinks with some measure of guilt. He’d been finding himself staring at Jaemin for too long lately, eyes wandering the expanse of his body: from his blue hair to his pouty lips, all the way down the long lines of his spine and legs. They’re things that Jeno shouldn’t be noticing about his best friend, things that he normally takes in when he’s staring at someone -- someone he’s _interested_ in.

This makes Jeno feel more guilty than their argument the night before.

“Puppy!” Chenle shouts. Jeno hears an odd _thump_ and then the sound of something scrabbling across their laminate flooring. He can’t figure out what it’s supposed to be.

Down the hall, Renjun’s door slams open. “Chenle!” he roars. Jeno snickers into his pillow, uneasiness slowly seeping out of him. He can practically picture how wild Renjun’s hair must be, the grumpy downturn to his mouth, the rumpled state of his pajamas. Renjun stomps down the hallway, hollering in Chinese, and then abruptly stops. He says something, just loud enough for Jeno to tell that it’s a swear word.

The entire dorm seems to sit in a heavy bubble of tension. Jeno pulls his head out from under his pillow and looks around, but his room looks the same: bikes hanging on the wall, humidifier sitting on the desk, a stack of books on the table next to the window.

Jisung’s door creaks open next to his. He can hear the soft pad of socked feet as they move past the door. They stop in what Jeno assumes is the living room. “Oh,” Jisung says sleepily. “I should go get Jeno-hyung and Jaemin-hyung.”

“Did they share a bed last night?” Renjun asks. “Jeno sounded pretty annoyed last night.”

“Well, Jaemin-hyung isn’t in his bed, so I assume he must be with Jeno-hyung.”

Jeno feels his blood run cold. His bed is empty, save for himself. He sits up, takes full stock of his room, but Jaemin is nowhere to be seen. Just to make sure, Jeno tips himself over the side of the mattress and checks under the bed. Nothing, except for some dust bunnies.

There’s a knock on his door before Jisung sticks his head in. He frowns at Jeno. “Hyung,” he says. “Why is Jaemin-hyung under the bed?”

“He isn’t,” Jeno says, righting himself. He feels dizzy, but he’s not sure if that’s from turning himself right-side-up or if it’s from the sudden panic that’s gripping him. 

“Oh,” Jisung says. He looks too asleep to question Jeno’s odd behaviour. Then, his eyes widen. “Oh,” he repeats. “Oh no. Jaemin-hyung - “

The sound of something scrambling across the floors catches Jeno’s attention again. It comes closer and closer, and before Jeno knows what’s happening, a huge white ball of fluff is hurtling itself through the doorway between Jisung’s legs and launching itself onto the bed. Jisung tumbles to the floor, and Renjun and Chenle come skidding to a stop just behind him.

Jeno feels himself get bowled over by the dog, but he can’t really see anything else. It’s so fluffy, it’s hard to see around all its fur. Jeno feels a rough tongue against his cheek, the cold press of a nose, and he yelps, trying to push the dog off him. 

“Stop,” he gasps, trying to wriggle his way out from under the dog. “Oh my gosh, stop. Why isn’t anyone helping me!”

With Renjun and Chenle’s help, they manage to wrestle the dog off of Jeno and onto the floor. It sits happily on Chenle’s chest, tail thumping and tongue lolling. It’s a samoyed, Jeno notes. Big perky ears, kind eyes, snow white fur. It’s cute, but Jeno has no idea where it came from, especially if Chenle didn’t bring it with him.

“Where did you come from?” Jeno asks, rubbing at his face where the dog had licked him.

Renjun and Chenle exchange looks. They look unsure. From the door, Jisung crawls over to scratch the dog behind its ears. He looks at Jeno, then the others. When no one offers any thoughts, he sighs.

“Hyung,” he says, to no one in particular. “Isn’t it obvious?”

The odd sense of unease settles fully in Jeno’s stomach again.

“The dog,” Jisung continues, stroking the dog’s pointy ears. “It’s Jaemin-hyung, isn’t it?”

They move the conversation to the living room.

The dog -- Jaemin -- follows at Jeno’s heels like a particularly fuzzy shadow and attempts to climb into his lap when he sinks onto the couch. Jeno gently pushes him off into the empty seat next to him, ignoring Renjun’s protests of being crowded on the other side. 

Chelne perches on the coffee table across from them. “Jaemin-hyung?” he asks, tilting his head to the side. Jaemin mimics him, tongue flopping gracelessly from his grinning mouth. “What happened?”

Jaemin barks, a shrill, piercing sound that startles Jeno. It’s not unlike Jaemin’s laugh, really.

“Jisungie,” Renjun says when no one else says anything. “Was Jaemin like this last night?”

Jisung shrugs from his chair. “I don’t know,” he replies. “He didn’t come to bed by the time I fell asleep. I assumed he’d gone to bed with Jeno-hyung.”

Guilt sits heavily in Jeno’s gut. He doesn’t know why -- he’s not Jaemin’s keeper, but something about the way everyone keeps expecting Jaemin to have shown up at his doorstep tugs at him. Is he responsible for this?

“When I opened the door he wasn’t here,” Chenle says, gesturing to Jaemin. Renjun raises an eyebrow. “I mean, he wasn’t in the main room. He came running down the hall when I came in.”

“I guess Jisung had the door closed,” Renjun murmurs to himself. “Maybe he was waiting outside the room to be let in.” He turns, peering at Jeno over the top of Jaemin’s head. “What do you think, Jeno? You’ve been awfully quiet.”

What does Jeno think? He stares at Jaemin, runs a tentative hand over the top of his fluffy head. Jaemin grins at him, tail thumping noisily against Renjun’s thigh. Jeno doesn’t know what to think. His best friend is a dog and they have no idea what to do about it. 

“I think -- maybe we should ask the hyungs,” he says after a long moment. He doesn’t know what else to say. They can’t talk to the company about this; the last thing that they need is for everyone panicking about Jaemin suddenly being a dog, but they can trust the hyungs. 

“Oh my god, Donghyuck-hyung is going to love this,” Jisung says gleefully. He slides off his chair and knee-walks over to the couch. Jaemin jumps off gracelessly and the two of them tussle on the floor, dragging Chenle in with them. Jeno just stares.

Jaemin is -- a dog. Sometime in the middle of the night, after Jeno had argued with him, Jaemin had turned into a dog. Absolutely nothing makes sense, but Jeno is certain he was the last person to see Jaemin as a human and that -- that doesn’t sit well with him. Should he have been more sympathetic to Jaemin last night? Should he have sat down and asked Jaemin what was wrong? He had been so tired, though, and Jeno knows he can’t put people before himself like that. He’d give Jaemin the moon if it was what he really wanted, but Jeno has to draw the line somewhere. Besides, they’d been on such odd terms lately anyway. Jeno wasn’t even sure if Jaemin would’ve _wanted_ to have told him what was wrong.

When he turns his head, Renjun is already looking at him with that calculating gaze he gets sometimes. Jeno hates being on the receiving end of it; it makes him feel naked and exposed, like Renjun is looking at parts of him that he doesn’t even know about. “What?” he asks, just to break the tension.

Renjun shrugs. “You and Jaemin were arguing last night,” he says easily.

“And you think that’s what turned him into a dog? I’m not a magician, Injunnie. It’s not like I said _hocus-pocus_ or anything.”

Renjun shrugs again and pulls his phone out of the breast pocket on his pajama shirt. Jeno’s never met anyone besides Renjun that actually wears a matching set to bed. When he doesn’t offer anything else, Jeno sighs.

“Hyung,” Chenle says, popping up next to his knee. “I know that this is really weird, but you should take advantage of this while you can. When will we ever have a dog again? Especially one as smart as Jaemin-hyung?”

“I don’t know if that’s saying much,” Renjun replies. He puts his phone on the coffee table and climbs off the couch, sitting on the floor when Jaemin comes skidding across the hardwood to him. “I’ve met dogs smarter than Jaemin.”

Jaemin barks, but he licks Renjun’s cheek.

Happiness bubbles around the room despite the odd situation. Renjun tells them that some of the hyungs are coming over in a bit. Chenle’s thrilled shrieking rings throughout the dorm as Jaemin chases him across the floor.

The guilt in Jeno’s stomach doesn’t go away, and the hammering of his heart doesn’t slow either. He can’t quite pin what he’s feeling, but he knows that he can’t quite be as carefree about this as the other members. Jaemin seems no worse for wear despite being turned into a samoyed, but Jeno would give anything to have him back as a human. If he changes back, Jeno thinks, he’ll never look at Jaemin with wandering eyes again. He’ll bury those intrusive thoughts so far down in his head that they’ll never surface again.

The sound of scampering feet and childish laughter filters throughout the dorm. With a sigh, he stands up and slips past the chaos in the living room, letting his bedroom door shut quietly behind him.

Jeno only comes back out when the hyungs arrive: Donghyuck and Mark and Jaehyun and Doyoung. They come traipsing in through the door without so much as announcing themselves. Jeno supposes that Jaemin’s startled yelp is enough warning.

Donghyuck looks positively delighted by Jaemin’s transformation. He flops onto the floor immediately and welcomes Jaemin into his arms, which is more affection than he affords Jaemin regularly. Mark looks suitably concerned.

“Thanks for coming,” Renjun says, prying Jaemin off of Donghyuck. He lands on his ass with a lapful of dog, which makes Jaemin’s ears wriggle cutely.

“Of course,” Doyoung says the same time Donghyuck says, “You think I’d miss the opportunity to see Jaemin as a dog?”

Jeno runs a hand over his face.

They get themselves settled in the living room again with bottles of water and a bag of chips. Jaemin goes to stick his snout in the open bag, but Jeno tugs him back with a fistful of fur. Jaemin whines pitifully.

“You’ll get sick if you eat those,” Jeno says. Jaemin just huffs at him and flattens his ears against his head. He won’t look at Jeno properly, like all the excitement of seeing him earlier has worn off. Honestly, it feels like a typical day between them.

Jeno doesn’t quite remember when their relationship began to flip-flop as much as it does now. Growing up, he and Jaemin had been inseparable. It’s only been in the last year or so that things got frosty between them; one day Jaemin would be demanding his attention, draping himself all over Jeno and nuzzling into him like a particularly affectionate cat, and the next he wouldn’t even give Jeno the time of day. It gives Jeno whiplash, but he’s grown accustomed to Jaemin’s moodiness now. It seems even as a dog, Jaemin is still hot and cold. 

“Did any of you see him transform?” Mark asks, sipping on his water gingerly. He looks like he might be sick, worry lines creasing his forehead. 

“No,” Renjun replies. “We all went to bed before him last night, and Chenle found him when he came over this morning.”

“Great,” Mark mutters. “What are we going to tell the company? It’s a good thing you guys are done promotions - ”

“He’ll get better on his own,” Doyoung interrupts. Every head in the room turns to him, except Jaehyun’s.

“And how would you know, hyung?” Jisung asks suspiciously. 

Doyoung fidgets in his seat. He glances nervously at Jaehyun, avoids Mark and Donghyuck’s inquiring looks. He won’t even look at Jeno.

“I, uh. I’ve done it before.”

Chenle makes a truly ungodly shrieking noise. “You can turn into a dog, too, hyung?” he hollers.

“Not a dog,” Doyoung says. He looks a little green; it’s how Jeno feels, mostly. “I turn into a rabbit when I’m feeling really stressed.”

The room is silent. Mark speaks first, “You turn into. A rabbit,” he says, disbelievingly. Then, “Hyung! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Or me!” Donghyuck wails. He drapes himself over Mark’s back. “Are your maknaes not important enough to be in the know, hyung?”

Doyoung’s eyes go impossibly wide. “No,” he says, shaking his head. He looks around the room. Jaemin barks encouragingly. “I just -- we thought maybe it would be better if you didn’t know. You two were so young, and then you got so busy with so many units. The hyungs and Jaehyun and I decided you didn’t need to know. It hardly ever happens anymore anyway.”

“Can anyone else transform into an animal?” Jisung asks, leaning forward.

“Yah, be careful what you wish for, Park Jisung,” Renjun reprimands. “You’ll turn into a mouse, I’m sure.”

Jisung scowls. “If that were the case, Jaemin-hyung would have been a rabbit, too.”

Jeno rubs at his temples. He feels Jaemin press himself against his side, feels the touch of a wet nose to the back of his hand. Jeno figures they’re on speaking terms again. Or, as close as they can get when one of them can’t physically speak.

“So, what are we supposed to do with Nana?” Donghyuck asks. “Do we just -- wait?”

Jaehyun shrugs. “That’s what we do with hyung,” he says, pointing a thumb at Doyoung. “We usually just stick him on a bunch of newspapers in the corner and give him some food and water. He usually turns back in a day or so.”

Doyoung scowls. 

A day doesn’t sound too bad to Jeno. Most of them have owned pets of one kind or another, and it’s not like Jaemin is an actual dog; he understands everything they’re saying still and Jeno figures he’ll follow commands. He’s certain they can handle things.

“Do you have any idea what might have triggered his transformation?” Mark asks, catching Jeno’s attention again. 

“He and Jeno had an argument last night,” Jisung says immediately. “Nana-hyung wanted to play, and Jeno-hyung wanted to go to bed.”

Jeno feels his entire face heat up. Beside him, Jaemin whines.

Doyoung scrutinizes him. It makes Jeno uncomfortable, to be picked apart so blatantly by someone he respects so much. Doyoung has always taken care of him well; it feels like Jeno’s disappointed him by being the cause of Jaemin’s change. 

“Did you say anything to him that would have triggered an intense emotional response?” Doyoung asks finally. 

Jeno shrugs. He doesn’t remember a lot about the conversation from the night before. They have some variation of an argument regularly; it’s a byproduct of having lived together for so long, and also of the flip-flopping their relationship has gone through in the last year or so. Jeno can pick out a dozen arguments in the last three months, all of which blow over by the next morning and never result in a 50 pound dog sitting in their living room.

“Well, think about it,” Doyoung says kindly. He pats his knees and Jaemin goes leaping off the couch next to Jeno to bound across the room. Doyoung scratches him behind the ears and Jaemin’s tail thumps against the floor happily. “He’ll probably turn back in the next day or so, but figuring out what made him turn in the first place will probably help you avoid this kind of situation in the future, especially if you have a comeback.”

“Thanks, hyung,” Chenle says after a long stretch of silence. He adds, “Do you have any pictures of what you look like when you’re a bunny?”

The room dissolves into chaos after that, everyone crowding around Jaehyun’s phone while Jaehyun gamely fights off Doyoung. Jeno stays rooted to his spot on the couch.

Guilt gnaws at his stomach. He feels certain now that something he said to Jaemin the night before is what caused him to turn into a dog, but he can’t imagine what he might have said. Was it a certain word or a phrase? Or was it more the situation? A fight compounding on other stressors that Jeno wasn’t privy to?

“Do you remember everything that happens when you’re a rabbit?” he asks suddenly. 

Doyoung pauses in his attempts to smother Jaehyun. “Yeah,” he replies softly. “I’m still me. I just get shoved into a tiny rabbit body.”

This makes Jeno smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Jaemin whines.

“I’m gonna - “ Jeno trails off, waving his hand around aimlessly in the hopes of conveying some sort of acceptable reason for up and leaving. Luckily, everyone seems to be reasonably sympathetic about his mood and lets him wander back to his room. After a moment, Jeno hears the sound of nails clicking against the floor as Jaemin trails after him.

Jeno sinks down on his bed, letting his head drop into his hands. He doesn’t know why he feels so torn up about this; the others seem relatively calm, even pleased to be given a puppy for the day. As far as Jeno can tell, the transformation hasn’t hurt Jaemin at all, and he’ll turn back sooner rather than later, but Jeno can’t help but worry anyway. 

“Is this my fault, Nana?” he asks. He wonders if Jaemin’s magical transformation abilities can pick up on his -- pining, his secret desires. Is that the reason Jaemin turned? Because he was upset that Jeno would go and ruin their friendship because of -- a crush?

Jeno bites his lip. He’s never thought of it in so many words before, but he realizes now -- in the midst of panic and ambiguity regarding Jaemin’s status as a human -- that it is a crush. Jeno has a hopelessly giant crush on his best friend, and it may or may not be the reason that Jaemin is a dog, depending on magical abilities and whatnot.

Jaemin tilts his head thoughtfully, then pads across the room so he can sit between Jeno’s legs, ignoring the helpless noise Jeno makes in despair. He whines, then licks a long stripe up the side of Jeno’s cheek. Jeno recoils in horror.

“Did you just lick me?” he whines, scrubbing at the dog spit on his face. Jaemin seems to grin at him, tongue lolling comically out the side of his mouth. His tail thumps enthusiastically against the floor. Despite the grossness of having saliva on his face, Jeno feels a little better about his emotional crisis. He shouldn’t be so worried about his own feelings anyway; he should be focused on Jaemin.

Jeno reaches out and pets gently between Jaemin’s ears. He’s not really a dog person; he’s always had cats, always loved cats better, but there’s a different sort of comfort being around a dog. Jaemin’s expressive in a way that Jeno’s cats aren’t, and he has the added benefit of actually being a boy in a dog’s body. He scooches closer into Jeno’s space and drops his chin on Jeno’s thigh, looking up at him with wide puppy eyes.

Jeno sighs, continuing to scratch lightly at Jaemin’s head. He wonders what Jaemin would do if the roles were reversed. Would he be as worried and anxious as Jeno is now? Probably not. Jaemin’s so easy-going, unflappable and steadfast. He’s always anchored Jeno with silly jokes when Jeno’s been too serious and stressed, and thoughtful listening when Jeno needs it the most. It seems ironic now that the one person Jeno could really use in a situation like this is the only person he can’t have.

“Come back to me soon, okay?” he whispers, leaning down to wrap his arms around Jaemin. Jaemin huffs, but tucks his nose into the crook of Jeno’s neck. It’s cold and wet, but Jeno can’t bring himself to care. Jaemin always gives the best hugs, but even that comfort is lost to him now. “I can’t -- I don’t know what I’d do without you, and I’d do anything to keep you by my side.”

Jaemin whines in lieu of the comforting words he’d offer Jeno if he were human. Jeno wishes he could hear Jaemin’s voice instead.

It’ll be fine, though. A day. Jeno can make it a day without Jaemin.

Surprisingly, Jaemin follows Jeno around the dorm like a particularly stubborn shadow.

“I don’t know why you’re acting all shocked,” Renjun says when Jeno points it out to him. They’re in the kitchen, trying to maneuver around each other and the dog in order to pull together something for lunch. Doyoung and Jaehyun have left, but Mark and Donghyuck are still here, hanging out with the others in the sitting room. “Jaemin follows you around like this normally.”

“I mean, I guess,” Jeno replies. What he’s thinking is that maybe he doesn’t deserve the attention. 

“Just because Nana isn’t as clingy as he used to be doesn’t mean that he doesn’t still want to be around you 24/7,” Renjun continues. “Besides, it’s not like you regularly shove him off anyway. Except last night, apparently.”

Jeno groans. He puts the radishes he’s been washing back in the colander in the sink. He doesn’t know why he suddenly thinks to ask for a second opinion, but Renjun has always been very practical and understanding. He’s the best listener and one of Jeno’s closest friends. Carefully, he shakes the radishes in the colander and asks, “Injunnie … you don’t think -- this wasn’t my fault, was it?”

Renjun’s eyebrows disappear under his fringe. “Is that what’s got you in such a mood today?” he asks. Behind them, Jaemin whines, nails clacking against the tiles as he stomps his feet impatiently. 

“I mean -- I just -- I feel bad,” Jeno stutters. “Because, I guess, I know that this time I really hurt him. We argue all the time but he’s never turned into a dog before.”

It surprises Jeno when he feels the first splash of tears against his cheeks. He hasn’t cried in a long time, not through tough recording sessions and brutal dance practices and emotional concerts. No, apparently the thing that’s going to turn him into a snotty, sobbing mess is his best friend turning into a dog. 

“Jeno-yah,” Renjun says quietly as Jeno sinks to the floor so he can lean back against the counters and curl into a little ball. “It might not have been you. It could’ve just been that you were the one to tell Jaemin to cut it out. It could have been any of us.”

Jeno wants to believe it, but something in him tells him it’s not the case. “It’s just -- I’ve been -- I think I’ve been a bad friend, lately, Injunnie, and I don’t know how magic works or anything but what if Jaemin’s a dog now because I thought -- because I thought -- “ He can’t get the words out.

Renjun sits down on the floor next to him and nudges his shoulder. “Hey,” he says quietly. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

“Jaemin’s sitting right there,” Jeno mumbles.

He feels Renjun shift before hearing, “Jaemin-ah, go bother Donghyuckie for a moment, okay?”

Jaemin huffs, but after a long pause, Jeno can hear the sound of him padding out of the kitchen and over to the sitting room.

“Okay, what’s up?” Renjun asks.

Jeno tilts his head so he can look at Renjun. He looks small like this, curled up to mirror Jeno. Jeno loves him dearly. “I’ve been looking at Jaemin,” he whispers.

Renjun frowns. “So?” he asks.

Jeno lets out a long breath. He needs to explain it better, and he could just come right out and say it, but -- it still feels so new. Scary. Different. 

“So, I mean, I’ve been _looking_.”

The crease between Renjun’s eyebrows deepens for a moment before they spring apart. “Oh,” he says, not sounding terribly surprised. “You like Jaeminnie.”

It doesn’t feel like any less of a revelation to hear it coming from someone else’s mouth than it does for Jeno to think it in his own head. Now it just feels more real. 

“I mean -- yeah.”

“And you think that you’re big gay crush is what turned Jaemin into a dog?”

“Shh,” Jeno hisses, but Renjun’s already hiding his mouth behind his hands, giggling. Jeno scowls.

“Jeno,” Renjun says, stifling his laughter. “I promise you, Jaemin is not a dog because you caught feelings. It’s probably because he got sad you guys argued last night. That’s it.”

“So it is still my fault,” Jeno says around a groan.

For a moment, Renjun says nothing. They sit in comfortable silence, the radishes dripping in the sink and the pan on the stove poised ready to be used. Finally, Renjun says, “Jeno, it’s okay if you like Jaemin.”

Jaemin blinks at him, so Renjun continues. “I mean -- yeah. It’s okay. It wouldn’t really surprise any of us, let alone bother us. If that’s what you -- and him -- want, we’ll support you. We love you.”

It makes Jeno’s eyes well up with tears again. He hadn’t realized that the approval of his members meant so much to him, that their reassurances about his feelings would be something he’d need. “Thanks, Injunnie,” he says. Renjun elbows him, but doesn’t say anything else.

After a long moment, he can hear Jaemin padding across the floor, his nails clicking against the tiles. There’s a pause, and then a warm, fluffy presence at his side. It’s nice. Quiet.

And then Jaemin howls.

It’s a weird, shrill noise, not at all like the baying of other big dogs Jeno’s heard. It sounds completely at odds with how large Jeno is, and it startles Jeno so much that he tips over. He blinks through his tears at Jaemin, who stares back at him for a moment before he starts howling again.

Jeno can’t help but laugh.

Jaemin keeps howling, even as the others come skidding into the kitchen. Renjun is laughing by now too, rolling on the floor at the opposite end of the kitchen. 

Jaemin pauses in his howling to look quizzically at where Jeno’s lying on the floor. He grins, eyes squeezing shut happily, ears twitching. Jeno might have always been told that he’s the one that looks like a samoyed, but in this instance all Jeno can see is Jaemin, his bright, beautiful best friend.

Even now Jaemin is trying to take care of him and lift everyone’s spirits. It eases something in Jeno’s chest, makes him wipe the tears off his face. Jaemin seems to be taking everything in stride, and soon enough, he’ll be back to being himself and Jeno can sit down and have a real conversation with him and apologize for yelling. Things will go back to normal. Even if Jeno never tells him how he feels, he’ll always have Jaemin as his best friend. That will never change.

“Thanks, Nana,” he says. Jaemin yips happily and bounds across the floor, skidding into Jeno’s side. He leans down and licks at Jeno’s face, pushing back against the hands Jeno brings up to try and shove him away. “Nana,” Jeno complains around a laugh. “Stop.”

“Jesus, I thought someone was dying in here,” he hears Mark say. “Is everything okay?”

Jeno manages to wrestle Jaemin into a hug that Jaemin sinks into easily, huffing against Jeno’s shoulder. “Yeah, hyung,” he says, squeezing Jaemin tightly. “Things are okay, now.”

The rest of the day is spent playing video games and wrestling with each other and taking naps. Through it all, no matter what Jaemin gets up to, he always returns to Jeno’s side, like he’s worried that Jeno will burst into tears again. Jeno tries to keep a smile plastered to his face, and after a few hours, it starts to feel real and not like a mask.

It shouldn’t really surprise Jeno that Jaemin as a dog is just the same as Jaemin as a human, but it still startles Jeno how easily Jaemin’s habits travel across species. He oscillates easily between hyper and noisy to quiet and sleepy. He tries his best to help the members with whatever they’re doing: trying to win a play fight or a video game match or even help in the kitchen when Jisung announces he’s going to look for snacks.

It makes Jeno’s chest ache with how much he misses human Jaemin, and not just in the sense that he wishes Jaemin would change back already. He misses how inseparable they had been, how they used to do everything together, tell each other everything. Jeno had thought things had been going swimmingly until Jaemin started pulling away, putting distance between them. It reminds him a lot of when Jaemin had been away with his back injury: hurt physically and emotionally and unwilling to burden Jeno with any of his thoughts. Jeno looks at Jaemin’s curious black eyes and swiveling fluffy ears and wonders what thoughts Jaemin is hiding from him now.

They order takeout for dinner and play another round of video games before they’re bidding Mark and Donghyuck goodbye. Donghyuck, in a surprising move, wraps his arms around Jaemin and says, “I can’t wait to laugh with you about all the dumb things you did as a dog today, Jaemin-ah.” Jaemin yips, but it’s not unhappy sounding. Petulant, maybe.

Mark gives Jaemin a pat between the ears before they’re scurrying out the door to their car. Once they’re gone, the Dream dorm feels quieter than usual.

“Are you staying the night?” Renjun asks Chenle after the silence stretches on for too long.

Chenle shrugs. “Might as well,” he says. “I want to be here in the morning and it’s easier this way.”

“You can use Nana-hyung’s bed,” Jisung says immediately.

Jeno frowns. “And where’s _Nana-hyung_ supposed to sleep?” he asks.

Jisung stares at him with big dark eyes. He looks a little like a puppy himself. “With you,” he says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Duh.”

Jeno ignores Renjun’s snickering and says, “Why would he sleep with me?”

“You guys used to crawl into each other’s bunks all the time,” Chenle points out. “Jaemin-hyung always goes to you when he needs comforting.”

Jeno wants to argue that that’s not true, because in some ways it isn’t, but Jaemin whines at his hip, butting his head into Jeno’s palm where it hangs by his side. 

“Just think of him as a big plushie,” Renjun suggests cheerfully. He’s already inching backwards towards his room, the traitor. “I know you like cuddling, Jeno. Don’t deny it.”

Jeno splutters as the other three peel out of the room in fits of laughter, doors slamming shut behind them as they scurry into their rooms, leaving Jeno standing in the middle of the living room with Jaemin by his side. He’s not feeling particularly tired, so he tidies up the living room -- with Jaemin’s limited help -- before wandering into his own room when there’s nothing better to do.

Jaemin hops up on the bed immediately, laying himself out lengthwise on the bed, head resting on his paws. He looks -- sad.

Jeno is suddenly struck by how _lonely_ he feels. He closes the door behind him and crawls up the bed so he can lie next to Jaemin. “You must be even more lonely,” he murmurs, resting a hand on Jaemin’s back. He watches the way it rises and falls with each breath. 

Unsurprisingly, Jaemin does not reply. He just continues to stare at Jeno with his wide puppy-dog eyes. They look pleading, the same way Jaemin will sometimes look at him when he wants Jeno to do something for him, like go to the convenience store and buy them snacks. How long has it been since Jaemin asked him to do that?

“I miss you,” Jeno says into the quiet between them. Jaemin blinks at him. “And not just today. Everyday. All the days. We’ve been spending less time together unless we’re biking, and I’m sorry for that, Jaeminnie. I want -- I want to fix whatever went wrong between us.”

His crush doesn’t matter. It never will in the face of his friendship with Jaemin. 

Jaemin whines, wriggling closer to Jeno until there’s no space between them. It reminds Jeno of countless nights they spent together as trainees and right after debut, when the overwhelming feeling of suddenly becoming very famous became too much for them. Jeno doesn’t miss how stressed they were, but he does miss the closeness.

It’s not that late out, but Jeno already feels bone tired. He untangles himself from Jaemin long enough to go brush his teeth before crawling back into bed. Jaemin curls himself against Jeno’s back, a warm, fluffy presence that does nothing to soothe the ache in his heart. Fitfully, impossibly, Jeno eventually drifts off to sleep.

Jeno wakes up the next morning feeling overly warm. It takes him a moment to realize it’s because there’s a body pressed against his back, curled around him and clinging tightly. When Jeno opens his eyes and looks down at the arms wrapped around his waist, he’s relieved to see that they’re Jaemin’s arms. Apparently the hyungs were right; he did change back on his own.

Jeno lets himself lie in bed for a couple more minutes before he gets too restless. He knows there’s no way to wiggle out of Jaemin’s embrace without waking him, so Jeno turns over and blows in Jaemin’s face.

Jaemin scrunches his nose. “Jeno-yah,” he mumbles, turning his face into the pillow. “Your breath stinks.”

Jeno laughs. He can’t help it. It feels so nice to hear Jaemin’s voice again instead of the soft puppy noises from the day before. He hugs Jaemin and says, quietly, “I missed you.”

He expects Jaemin to look at him and crack a joke, tell Jeno he’s being needy and silly, but instead he gets Jaemin tensing up against him. Before he can figure out what to say, Jaemin’s pulling away, tugging his arms from around Jeno and rolling out of bed.

“Jaemin-ah,” he says while Jaemin rummages in Jeno’s closet for something to wear. Jeno pointedly avoids looking at the long expanse of Jaemin’s back, the way it tapers at his narrow waist, swells at his hips - 

“Sorry to worry you,” Jaemin says, stepping into a pair of boxers and pulling a t-shirt over his head. “I didn’t know I could do that. That being turn into a dog. Kind of crazy, huh? And a samoyed, no less! I’m jealous that I couldn’t give myself a hug.”

There’s a touch of hurt to his voice, something Jeno wouldn’t have noticed if he hadn’t spent the last seven years getting to know Jaemin. 

“Jaemin,” he says, interrupting Jaemin’s rambling. Yesterday he had foolishly hoped that he could get away without having this conversation, that Jaemin would let everything blow over, but now that Jeno is faced with the sad lilt of Jaemin’s voice, he knows he has to apologize for what he’d said two nights ago. He sits up and extends a hand. “Come here. I want to talk.”

Jaemin’s eyes dart nervously between Jeno’s outstretched hand and the door, but after a moment of contemplation, he comes back to bed. He doesn’t crawl under the covers again, but he sits on the edge close enough that Jeno can still feel his warmth.

“What’s up?” Jaemin asks, staring down at the floor.

Jeno feels butterflies in his stomach. He doesn’t know why he’s so nervous. This is Jaemin. His best friend, and this is just an apology, not a confession. “I’m sorry about the other night,” he says, “when I said I didn’t have time for you. That was -- not what I wanted to say.”

Jaemin shrugs. He offers Jeno a fake smile, which makes Jeno’s heart ache. Jaemin shouldn’t ever have to look at him like that.

“It’s okay,” he says. “I was just being moody and turned into a dog because of it. It’s nothing new, Jeno.”

This surprises Jeno. “The moodiness or the dog thing?” he asks. Even though Jaemin had been rambling about how surprised he had been just a couple minutes ago, Jeno would not put it past him to have lied about never having changed before.

Jaemin laughs, and this, at least, sounds genuine. “The moodiness,” he replies. “The dog thing has never happened before.”

“Oh, okay,” Jeno says. He’s relieved that Jaemin hasn’t been keeping this a secret from them, at least. 

“Seriously, Jeno,” Jaemin continues, like there’s nothing wrong between them. Like Jeno hasn’t had a gnawing sense of guilt and inexplicable heartbreak for the past 24 hours. “Don’t worry about it.” He moves to get up and, in a panic, Jeno reaches out and tugs on Jaemin’s arm, pulling him back down on the bed.

“Jaeminnie,” he says. It feels like a chasm is opening up between them, a distance that Jeno can’t cross. He’s afraid that if he lets it fester and grow, he and Jaemin will eventually move too far away from each other. Jeno had thought their friendship could weather anything, but now it feels like it’s on a precipice, about to tip over the edge into something dangerous and unknown. 

He hates how vulnerable his voice sounds, but at least it makes Jaemin look at him for the first time all morning. “I -- I miss you.”

Jaemin raises an eyebrow. “I’m right here,” he says. “In the flesh.”

It makes Jeno shake his head. It’s frustrating, the way the words seem to stick in his throat. “No, I mean. Yes. You’re here, but. I miss you even when you’re here. When did we start to drift apart so much?”

Jaemin’s face crumples. It’s such a stark contrast to his usual cheerful expression, and Jeno hates it. He hates mostly that he caused it.

“It’s my fault,” Jaemin murmurs after a long moment. He sits up, Jeno following him so he can rub a tentative hand up and down Jaemin’s spine. It’s as comforting to him as it is to Jaemin. “I -- I needed some space.”

“Oh,” Jeno says. His heart feels like it’s in his throat. Is it possible that Jaemin had guessed what all his lingering stares had meant? Had he figured out that Jeno had developed _feelings_? Or was it because of something else that Jeno did? Some other personality trait that was overbearing and undesirable. “I -- sorry. For being clingy.”

Jaemin laughs bitterly, turning his head so he can look at Jeno. “I was the clingy one, Jeno,” he says. “I just needed time to try and get over it.” As soon as he’s spoken, Jaemin looks like he wants to retract the words. Jeno clamps a hand over Jaemin’s hip, as if to stave off Jaemin’s departure. His heart feels like it’s about to pound out of his chest from both nerves and anticipation. This wasn’t the way he had thought this conversation would go. Jeno had been perfectly content to never tell Jaemin about his crush but now. Now there’s an opening, a glimmer of light at the end of the hopeless tunnel Jeno had dug for himself. He doesn’t want to let it go.

“Get over what?” he asks, quiet and -- hopeful. He’d never dared to hope but -

“Jeno,” Jaemin says. “Please. I don’t -- we should just leave it.”

Jeno shakes his head. He leans forward, rests his chin on Jaemin’s shoulder. “And what if I don’t want to leave it?” he asks. “What if -- what if I feel the same way?”

Jaemin shudders. When he turns to catch Jeno’s eye, Jeno’s surprised to see how glassy Jaemin’s eyes look. “You better not be getting my hopes up, Lee Jeno,” he whispers.

“Never,” Jeno replies. “I’d never hurt you, Nana.”

The kiss is pretty tame, nothing extravagant. Jeno’s definitely not the most experienced guy out there, and he knows Jaemin isn’t either, but this seems right. It feels like them: soft and exploratory and so, so trusting. Jeno feels like his heart might burst out of his chest from happiness.

When Jeno pulls back, Jaemin’s staring at him with wide eyes. “Wow,” he says after a moment. “Maybe I should turn into a dog more often.”

Jeno laughs and drags Jaemin down onto the bed. They’ve got a lot of things to talk about and plenty of things to catch up on, but for now it feels like a huge weight’s been lifted off his chest. He has his best friend back, and that’s all that really matters. 

“I love you, Nana,” he says, because this is the truest thing he knows. “Boy or dog, I love you the most.”

Jaemin giggles, rolling over in Jeno’s arms so he can hug Jeno back. “I love you, too, Jeno,” he replies. “As a boy or a dog, I love you the most, too.”

They kiss again as the sun filters in through the window, soft and golden and warm.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me at [twitter](http://twitter.com/monstplaza) or [cc](http://curiouscat.me/monstplaza).


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